Wednesday, March 05, 2008

I don't know why people don't call ME when they get sued.

Oh, Airborne. When will you ever learn?

I don't mind that you faked your clinical trials, especially as I now stand to recoup some of the expenditures I have made purchasing your fine product over the years. I also won't claim retroactively that I suddenly don't feel better anymore, even though this nasty little tickle in the back of my throat feels a lot like the early onset of a tidal surge of sickness coming over the sandbag wall of ZESTY Orange Flavor! Airborne I've been taking for the past few days. I also won't blame you for making me resort to that hideous metaphor from the last sentence, but that's mostly because I'm a nice guy.

What I do mind is that you didn't even call me before I read this story on the New York Times about your settlement of the class-action lawsuit against you.

Unending font of information that I am, I could have pointed you to this story from, bastion of reputable journalism that it is, which explains that placebos still work, even when the people taking them know they're placebos.

I could have saved you $23.3 million dollars. And I didn't even go to law school. I think that's worth a few free tubes of Airborne to not cure my upcoming cold with, don't you?

1 comment:

Sarah said...

I still have yet to get my check from these lying sons of mothers! Did you get yours??