Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Clinton Supporter Stabs Obama Supporter Because Of Drugs!

The Smoking Gun is running a story about a Clinton supporter who stabbed an Obama supporter as the completely predictable endgame to a heated political discussion. I assume the Clinton being supported is Hillary, and I think we all know why things turned out the way they did for the poor, bloodied Obamaniac: it's because of drugs.

More conventional thinkers and observers might chalk it up to a family dispute since the stabber was the stabbee's brother-in-law. But it wasn't that. It wasn't merely a political disagreement either, I don't care what the storybooks say. It is a well known fact that all Clinton supporters are alcoholics and cocaine addicts, and that Obamanizers use only marijuana and occasional mild sedatives. Of course, the ones I'm really afraid of are the people who support Darth Nader. Because anyone who thinks his candidacy is worthwhile must be on several varieties of hardcore mind-altering substances simultaneously. Like percocet, peyote, and peach pie. Or LSD and strawberry-rhubarb pie. DO NOT MIX THOSE. TRUST ME.

Just to be safe, to my brother-in-law, Dave: if you come near me with a knife and start talking politics, I will promise to vote for whoever you tell me to until you go away.

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