you are the only person not reading this blog.

True story:

NEW YORK - Rapper 50 Cent has sued Taco Bell, claiming the fast-food restaurant chain is using his name without permission in advertising that asks him to call himself 99 Cent.

The rapper says in a federal lawsuit filed Wednesday that the Mexican-themed chain features him in an ad asking him to change his name to 79 Cent, 89 Cent or 99 Cent. His real name is Curtis Jackson.

The rapper's court papers say the ad is part of Taco Bell's "Why Pay More?" campaign, which promotes items for under a dollar, including Cinnamon Twists for 79 cents, Crunchy Tacos for 89 cents and Bean Burritos for 99 cents. The papers say the Irvine, Calif.-based company sent a bogus letter requesting the name change to the news media but not to the rapper.

The rapper's lawyer, Peter D. Raymond, said his client didn't learn about the letter or that he was featured in the ad campaign until he saw a news report about it. Raymond said his client is seeking $4 million in damages.

from amNewYork

I get that he's upset about Taco Bell using his name. I'd be pissed off too. I just hope this lawsuit lands on the to-do list of some judge with a sense of humor, and he/she awards damages totaling 49 cents, or arranged to have the settlement paid entirely in Chalupas or something. Because if either of those highly likely outcomes were to occur, then real news would finally have a chance to out-Onion the Onion, and out-The-Daily-Show-with-Jon-Stewart The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. I think it's high time their tyrannical rule over the world of news parody came to an abrupt and ignominious conclusion.

Seriously, a $4 million lawsuit over a crack about his name? How does this jackass have any street cred at all? Isn't he supposed to like, decapitate the Chihuahua who used to say "yo quiero Taco Bell" in the moving picture advertisements on my television, and then impale its adorable, smart-alecky little head on the gatepost of some snooty Taco Bell executive's mansion?

Do Taco Bell executives even have mansions?

This is SO not how Tupac would have settled the score. [INSERT JOKE ABOUT TUPAC'S HIGHLY SUCCESSFUL POSTHUMOUS RECORDING CAREER HERE, MAKING SURE TO INCLUDE A HILARIOUS SEGUE FROM ONE RAPPER TO THE OTHER ONE, BUT BEING CAREFUL TO AVOID INSINUATING THAT THEY'RE HARD TO TELL APART, BECAUSE THAT WOULD PROBABLY BE RACIST.]