Saw a headline this morning on the front page of a passerby's newspaper. It said, "Regis Out! Ryan Seacrest to Replace..." and that's all I managed to read before the passerby rudely yanked the paper out of my line of eavesdropping.
I said to Sarah, "Regis is out? Out of what? Not Live..." A detectable note of worry had crept into my voice as I said this last bit. Imagine the horror, right?
Sarah said, "How does Ryan Seacrest keep getting jobs, anyway?"
"'Cause he sucks dick," I said. "That's why I hired him. 'But I don't really need a chimney sweep, Ryan Seacrest. [Beat.] All right, you're hired.'"
Come on, Sarah, that was an easy one. That was like lobbing me a slowly pitched softball over the middle of the plate, like this conversation was a game of slow-pitch softball and not a conversation at all. Wait a second... what the hell is going on here? Regis, Regis! Help me understand, pleeeease!