During breaks in the Canning Operations department at the Dole Fruit Company, my existentialist friends and I sometimes like to sit and debate mankind's finest achievements. I should warn you, this debate is not for the faint of heart. It's a catty little clique of about fourteen of us, and I am easily the least existentialist among us, even though I rate something like a 1540 on the Briggs-Goering Scale of existentialism. Silvestre was out slashing tires in the parking lot with a Bowie knife three months ago after Ronny Balboa (yes, that's really his name) gave him fourteen reasons why Leo da Vinci's Aerial Screw wasn't even in the top five, but why the League of Nations was.
I was just getting my notes together on two potential entrants into the discussion (the massive orgy of wealth and mind control of organized religion, and rolled toilet paper) when I came across this little nugget from People Magazine:
Any non-existentialists out there may have to read that twice to pick up on the piece of incontrovertible truth upon which Peepsmag has seemingly stumbled. "Zac Efron has perfected the popular shaggy do."
Hallelujah, mankind. We fucking did it. I am so psyched to go to work tomorrow.