Tuesday, January 22, 2008

My recommendation for a Groundhog Day Resolution #1

Oh hi! I has returned from the AMC Loews theater on Broadway and 19th Street Saturday night, where Karyn and I saw Cloverfield, and where the bottled water may or may not be very high priced - I really wouldn't know. Cloverfield is not the kind of movie you where you want to bring water with you because of the pants-shitting fear the movie induces. Trust me, you will either spill the water all over yourself, or, if you are dumb enough to actually drink the water, you will pee it out into your already poop-laden pants - it is THAT scary. I spent much of my MLK Day performing an elaborate re-enactment of the movie's destruction of Manhattan on my 19-foot scale-model Lego replica of New York City for Sarah who, inexplicably, has no desire to have the crap scared out of her.

I don't do movie reviews, as I've said before. I also don't make New Year's resolutions. I recommend making Groundhog Day resolutions, actually, because at that point, you've had some time to see how the new year is working out for you, and also because the crowds at the New York Sports Club have thinned out by then. Personally, I won't be making any Groundhog Day resolutions either, since I made a New Year's resolution not to.

But I do make life decisions based on broad, fictional portrayals of massive destruction at the hands of a terrifying CGI monster, because terrifying CGI monsters, if nothing else, certainly make you think about what's important. And what I discovered was important after watching Cloverfield was this: I NEED TO BUY A VIDEO CAMERA! Not only because something crazy like a monster attack could happen, and much like in the words of tries-so-hard-to-be-funny-but-mostly-you're-rooting-for-him-to-bite-it character "Hud" from the movie, "people are gonna wanna know... how it went down," but also because it took me like eight years to build Lego New York, which has now been laid waste. I guess I just went a little overboard with the Goldschlager, like I do almost every year on Martin Luther King Day. I really should have thought it through first. Or at least, I should have taped it. Idiot!

Anyway, make a Groundhog Day resolution to SEE THIS MOVIE! Unless you live in New York, are afraid of monsters, or have a mild coronary condition, in which case, make a Groundhog Day resolution to NOT SEE THIS MOVIE! Whichever way you go, though, make sure you make a Groundhog Day resolution to WEAR A DIAPER! And also, please BUY ME A VIDEO CAMERA BEFORE MLK DAY 2009! The video highlights will ROCK YOUR WORLD!

I have to go BACK TO WORK NOW! Cans are FALLING OFF THE CONVEYOR BELTS! All because I AM NOT PAYING ATTENTION! It's just too bad I DON'T HAVE A VIDEO CAMERA SO I COULD SHOW YOU! Hey - there's ANOTHER REASON TO BUY ME ONE!

1 comment:

Nancy said...

I like the idea of making Groundhog Day resolutions! I didn't make any New Year's ones, so I might as well! In January, you can join New York Sports Clubs for only $20.08, so possibly a New Year's/Groundhog Day resolution will do to get the deal!