Thursday, January 15, 2009

Plane Crash Theory #1: The Lazy iPhone Geese Theory

Everyone at the Fruit Plant is abuzz with speculation about this plane that just crashed into the Hudson. It seems there's a healthy amount of skepticism about the whole "flock of geese" alibi, and understandably so. I mean, when you boil it down, I know geese are basically bloated bags of green shit with feathers and wings and brain power equivalent to that of a piece of moldy fruit, but even moldy fruit has the sense to get out of the way of an airplane. Have you ever heard of a piece of moldy fruit getting hit by a plane?

I rest my case.

Still, the whole incident does raise a lot of questions. For instance, what the hell are migratory birds doing in New York City in January? Is this part of some new, super-lazy but highly technologically savvy generation of geese that heard all about global warming and thought they'd be off the hook about the whole "flying south" thing, but then they caught a look at the forecast on the app on their iPhones and decided maybe they should head south before this weekend, and being that they were both lazy and equipped with iPhones, they decided to hitch a ride on the next flight heading to Greensboro?

Makes perfect sense. I have solved the mystery, as I always do. YOU'RE WELCOME, US AIRWAYS AND THE FAA. My bill will be in the mail.

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