Spotlight on my junk mail

From: E.Claid@surrey.ac.uk
To: Smokey R [clowntears@piealamodeproductions.com]
Date: Tue, Sep 2, 2008 at 1:53 AM
Subject: Confirmation Letter from COEFA

Dear Beneficiary,
Good day to you and Compliment of the season. I wish to Congratulate
and Inform you that you have been shortlisted as One Of the Beneficiary Of
this Year Chevron Online Endowment Fund Award (COEFA). For more
Information please contact the Officer Incharge.
Mr. Alexander Dickson
Email: chevrontexacoclaimsprocess@hotmail.com
Tel: :+44-703-592-9763
**Note: All replies and querries or questions concerning this message
should be sent to chevrontexacoclaimsprocess@hotmail.com
Yours Faithfully,
Dr.LEWIS ANDERSON
Chief Executive Officer

***

From: Smokey R [clowntears@piealamodeproductions.com]
To: E.Claid@surrey.ac.uk
Date: Wed, Sep 3, 2008 at 3:16 PM
Subject: Re: Confirmation Letter from COEFA

Lew,

Dude.

What the fuck.

Wait, sorry, that's impolite. Despite the behavior of SOME PEOPLE who don't bother answering their emails, even when you send in your application to the Chevron Online Endowment Fund Award in JULY 2003, I am going to be polite here. So let me begin again.

Lew,

Compliment of the season to you too. But what the fuck.

Are you really just going to send me this email today like NOTHING EVER HAPPENED BEFORE? Are you really going to act like we never met at that party, or like you ever promised me IN FRONT OF MY MOM that I was a shoo-in for this award FIVE YEARS AGO? Are you really going to have the unmitigated gall to stand there in your jodhpurs and your pea coat and tell me that five years later, I am merely a FINALIST?

Fuck you, Lew. I wish I never fucking met you. I don't even think I want to be one of the Beneficiary Of this Year Award. And I want those fucking cuff links back too. I only give birthday gifts to real friends.

Piss off, jerkwad,
Smokey.