That's Not A Knife...

Remember the other good ol' daze before the movie Crocodile Dundee came out, when no one had ever heard of Australia before and we didn't know what a knife was? Those were the other best times.

In light of the massive advances made in knife technology in the past 25 years, I think perhaps it might be time to update the franchise. Because in deference to comedic genius Paul Hogan, this really isn't a knife anymore:

This, however, is:

Axe-Knife, everybuzzy. That's wassup.

It's just a shame that the namby-pambies over at Gerber Legendary Blades are totally overreacting to the reports of injuries caused by the knife falling out of the handle of the axe. Any axe-knife worth having is also worth a few stitches and/or missing digits.

What's happening to this country? It's like everyone's balls got cut off by knives falling out of the handles of their axe-knives or something. Ugh.

The Goings-On at Fox News

Remember the good ol' daze, when men were men, women were women, and Fox News's coverage of ill-attended, pro-conservative-agenda protest rallies was always, um... how do you say in English... padded with footage from other protests to make the rallies look more bigger?

I miss those times. Those were the best times of all the times.

But apparently, the era of protest-padding is over. Observe:

Come on, Fox News! You're blaming the weather? Whatsa matter, did your testicles call out sick today? Why don't you just man up, or grow a pair, or whatever it is that you ordinarily do before you insert falsehoods and embellishments into your protest coverage?

Get with the program over there, peeple. We're not tuning into your channel to watch footage of a sad group of morons who skipped a day of work so they could huddle in the rain and tell everyone else how to live their lives! We're tuning in for... um... okay, gimme a second, it'll come to me...