Monday, April 04, 2011

Beware Of Unicorns

What you CAN see in this video are two orphaned baby bears from China playing with a tiger cub:

What you CAN'T see are the unicorns lurking in the shadows, fostering and nurturing this unholy alliance via their Chinese minions. It's the unicorns who are pulling the strings here, peeple. Don't be fool'd. This isn't about cute, cuddly baby aminals, this is about the beasts of the field reasserting their dominance over the human race. It's gonna be just like Middle Earth up in here, back when Sauron and Voldemort and the dinosaurs were the Head Lizards in Charge. And mankind will once again have to look to Jesus to take up the One Ring and defeat Voldemort and Sauron and the rampaging hordes once more, just like He defeated them in the popular young adult book series, The Bible.

We need Jesus now more than ever. Which of course means that old Smokey is gonna have to get involved.
Dear Jesus,

Long time no talk. Sorry, (Son of) Man. Totes my bad.

Listen, I need to ask You a flavor, on behalf of humanity. Would You mind chatting with Your Dad and seeing if this tiger-bear alliance thing can be stopped in its tracks? I'm not saying kill the cute baby aminals or anystring, I'm just saying it's pretty obvious that this is unicorn handiwork, and I know those conniving bastards got left off of Noah's Ark for a reason. (Part of Your Dad's Divine Plan™, I'm guessing. Wink, wink.)

Let's keep the unicorns where they belong: in cans.

Thanks in advance, Dude. You totally rule.

Yours in You,
Smokey Robinson


No comments: