Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Blind Bowler Throws a 300 Game! Also, Walking Bananas Take Over Suburban Houston!

Question: where would you take a blind bowler to celebrate the fact that he just bowled a perfect 300 game? Why, you'd take him out to dinner to celebrate, of course! To a very nice Belgian restaurant downtown, if you can swing it! Because, after all, this is a bowler we're talking about! This is an entire group of people who are weaned from the teats of their mothers with foie gras and caviar. These are people whose occasional forays into the bowling alley menu for chicken fingers and bottles of MGD can be as easily overlooked as equally occasional forays into ultra-fashionable bowling shoes.

But I'm getting away from my point, which is about the blind bowler who bowled a 300.

That's right, this guy, Dale Davis (if that IS your real name...) who can only barely make out the dots on the floor, bowled a 300. I think that calls for a pretty decent celebratory meal, don't you.

On to the Belgian place, then!

Your table is right this way, sir.

Pretty swank, no? And check out the view from said swank table...

Like it matters.

Let's face it, folks, this is a bullshit story if ever there was. A blind bowler bowls a 300 game? Why not just tell him he bowled a 301, just to catapult the achievement that much further into the stratosphere of impossibility? They claim he has friends with him who inform him, after a throw, which pins are still standing because he can't see them himself. Boy, those friends must have been awfully quiet this time around, eh? Maybe it's because they were STANDING AT THE END OF THE LANE KICKING THE PINS OVER!

This is like that lousy skee-ball player cheater at the local Chuck E. Cheese who climbs up the ramp and slam dunks all the balls into the 50-points hole, sending a stream of ill-gotten paper tickets spilling out of the machine onto the floor until Chuck E. Cheese security has to come take him away and send him home so he never gets his reward dinner for finishing second in the 4th-grade spelling bee. Or something like that.

I'm just saying, this alleged 300 game has all the veracity of a scheme cooked up by Eric Cartman. And believe me when I say that that blind asshole bowler and his friends are going to get caught. If not here, then on the golf course next week when he shoots consecutive holes-in-one. And then we'll see who gets to go to Chuck E. Cheese.


Pete said...

I bow my head in shame. I can barely bowl a 100 with my fucking eyes open.

Hey, was this guy using bumpers?

Smokey Robinson (aka Matt) said...

Tell me about it. Until I read about the blind dude, I thought a perfect score in bowling was 100! And even by that paltry standard, I've thrown about as many perfect games in a bowling alley as I have from a major league pitching mound.

I think it's pretty obvious that he had at least one guy at the end of the lane tipping over all the pins for him. But unless his nickname was "Bumpers," the answer to your question is probably no.